passed out outside my doorstep today. came to, entered the house, gulped down some vitaminwater resulting in a piercing pain in my stomach to add on to what i was already suffering - nausea, cold sweat, wet tangled hair. felt like crying, didn't know who to call

on an unrelated note i've been thinking about my dad, and how my family's been in no way supportive to him. no surprise that he's been acting the way he's been. 'mid-life crisis', dappling in religion, vegetarianism... a sudden closeness to his own family (his siblings), spending time with them maybe twice, thrice a week now.

how terrifying to see the life you've built up begin to fall apart. i could do a better job as a daughter. he tries, we exchange small talk, he comments on how my exams have ended perhaps expecting a smile and i express no excitement at all. he hands me a fifty-dollar note. this is what our relationship has come to.

on another unrelated note i am lonely and i am going to have a drink