was thinking to myself how it'd be a good idea to skip school on friday since gpf submission will be over and 1. i desperately need to spend some time not in school 2. i need to study for my mother tongue paper which is on monday and 3. i'm going to have to be at the airport on friday night anyway, to send benita off.

and then i remember oh right i need to be in school on friday to find out whether i promote or retain. results to be released subject by subject. stretching out til 4p.m.

geez what an intense week. pw submission on thurs, release of results on friday, and you'd think after all of that we can finally crash and catch up with the bed over the weekend but nope, mother tongue a level paper on monday. i haven't even read the set passages yet.

no way am i gonna drag myself to school again after monday.

yuck the school bell in one of the secondary schools i live next to is the same one sajc uses in the morning to let everyone know it's time to get their asses down to morning assembly and hearing it makes me sick

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me: [long-ass 10minute rant re: project work, results, heartbreak, not getting sleep]

dj: "well i have a levels."

me: "... my life is great"

i cannot stress how fortunate i am to have dj in school, especially now, because when the anxiety snowballs and i storm out of a class he's there for me to call and look for to talk, and he listens even though he hates it when people whine, and he makes me laugh and feel a little better. yet he isn't soft, he reminds me gently yet firmly that there's nothing i can do but to man up. i hate thinking of how i'm going to have to do without this privilege of having someone to run to in school next year. whatever comes my way, repeat year or 'a' levels, i don't feel ready. i look at how i handle things as they are now and think wow what the future throws at me is really gonna break my legs.

but i must convince myself i am strong i am strong i am strong.