1.) since i was young i've been enclosed in an impermeable bubble of my stream of thoughts, be it conscious or subconscious, and i suppose that's why i've always felt some sort of distance between myself and other people - because noone ever really knows what goes on in my mind. sometimes i'm not so sure myself. i remember how when we were together i loved the feeling of your skin on my skin. the idea of direct contact, even if it was just physical. i'd like to feel that in an emotional sense though it seems almost impossible. but i am going to contradict myself here with

2.) i like how talking to ben about absolutely nothing and everything made me realise that about myself. well not as much realise as find myself establishing such in an understandable form, a solid/dimensional explanation behind the distance between me and my surroundings, as opposed to my 'instincts/gut feeling/back-of-mind knowledge', which i rely on far more than i should. ben is a lot like my brother. it's interesting how superficially we seem to be worlds apart yet when we converse we relate somehow (ok i can't really say that about ben, but is definitely the way with my brother). he's an interesting character and i like talking to him even if it makes me feel, in the words of cute is what we aim for, shallow as a shower.

3.) i don't want to but i love you