the physics of people

loss is an idea new to no one - memories of the past surface every now and then, of people that no longer have a place in your current experience. and all that remains are images: pictures, sounds, feelings etc that you try to but can never succeed in replicating in your mind. faces that will never again materialise.

the melatonin is kicking in but i'll try to go on

sad? of course. we've all seen that struggle. we question the reasons behind change. why did he/she walk out of my life? what went wrong?

yet gradually, the more thought i put into it, the less melancholic i get. maybe the conclusion i came to was to comfort myself or numb myself to the struggle, or simply the result of too much thought spent on people of not that much thought's worth.

cliche as this may sound (totally something that would garner retweets,) consider the idea that you never 'had' them to begin with. that the idea of possession when it comes to people is inaccurate, a thesis that will not hold true.

instead i found my answer in an o level physics class.

it wasn't something that occurred to me in that moment. when it did strike something in me was around a year later as i sat on a bus thinking about air, how the particles dart about at random. that brought to mind a diagram my physics teacher once drew on the board.

a particle. arrows all around it. a resultant force and direction.

that result is made up of various factors and so susceptible to change. let's get back to the bus. say, woman raises arm to press bell. a few million particles are thrown out of their initial path and are now travelling in a new direction.

similarly, every individual is defined by all these forces around them. family background, financial background, education, school, hobbies, et cetera. and something we all have to accept is that something, somewhere is going to change. acceptance into an overseas uni (strong force,) didn't feel like getting out of bed today (weak force,) in relationship with girl who hates you (apparently a strong force.) and with that change will come a shift in the resultant direction.

how far away from you the newly defined direction leads them, now, depends on the magnitude of the force you have upon them in relation to these other forces you can't stop them from experiencing...

perhaps by chance two were travelling together. but like i've said before, something, somewhere, is going to change. and let's be realistic here: between your 17-year-old sweetheart and your overseas scholarship, no guesses as to where the influence lies, and what is going to take over.

(being completely hypothetical here by the way. i have neither 17-year-old sweetheart nor overseas scholarship. dammit.)

what i am getting at is, in relation to another, the most you'll ever be is one of those forces acting together with the others. if your hold on someone is really all that strong such that it overpowers all else, uh, good for you i guess, though that doesn't sound very healthy

this is a theory i've been viewing events by for around a year now. maybe it's a good thing that i deconstructed the notion of 'being left' or 'losing' someone for myself. makes acceptance easier, seem rational.

seems silly but even though i kept it only as a h1 subject for 'a's physics holds some sort of meaning for me. the inner geek in me is sure that there's something in it that i appreciate.

not sure if this makes sense. i'd let you into my head (everything's much clearer there) if there were a way to. also, typing this out on my cheap tablet was a pain in the ass.