the past few weeks, months has involved a lot of old feelings that i'd tucked away nicely and neatly in a dark corner in the back of my mind slowly unfolding before me. i find myself staring at my hands, not knowing what to do with these feelings, only remembering why i put them away in the first place. and all this confusion and inaction wrapping themselves around me very well complement the distance i have felt since i can no longer remember (i can never place a point in time - only then and now.) when was it that i spiraled into myself? the constant knowing that you no longer know yourself results in a perpetual unease, an edginess that takes over (sometimes even physically - how staying in one place makes me feel sick in the stomach,) manifests itself in a complete lack of ability to focus. on anything. always feeling like there's something you've left behind. never knowing exactly what.

this barely begins to articulate what is beneath my skin. still i try. but i feel like the words are somewhere too deep in, somewhere i'm not sure is within my means to reach.