i would be okay with skipping backwards to that morning in the cafeteria when we found ourselves at the same table and he said this is _ do you know him. you could have a different name and i could have a different name and today almost a year later we would still be passing acquaintances and i won't need to worry where to look when you are within my line of vision, or find myself clueless in the face of simple questions like how are you? or why are you walking around alone? or live with the knowledge that my presence is not preferred; i am despicable i am repulsive.

could do without that.

i let it happen anyway.